I'm Screwed.

These last few months have been completely out of control. I'm up to 163, I'm disgusted. I'm going abroad for a few months and won't have access to healthy food or a scale. I'm terrified. Not that healthy food and a scale have been much good to me the last few months.

I'm absolutely disgusted with myself. Hopefully my number will be much smaller than it is now.

Effff

So I was down to 144.6 yesterday.

Binge. 147 today.

Kill me.

Getting back on track.

I can do this.

So my Thanksgiving goal was a bust. I was 148 when I went home and 151 when I came back. Thankfully I am now down to 145. We are doing a huge formal family photo in two weeks and I don't think I could bare it if I am over 140 posted up in the house for everyone to see for years to come....So I'm aiming to be 135, I just hope I can stay strong and make it! All the Christmas goodies are already killing me  but I've managed to avoid them so far! Though it'll be worse once I'm home for the holidays. Ugh.

Wish me luck!

Binge --> Skinny

So I was down to 148 last Friday, weekend = binge, up to 153, back in control, down to 149 again. Need to be lower.

I'm going home on Monday afternoon, I want to be 146 by then. And 145 by Thanksgiving (one week from today) then maybe I won't feel guilty about a one day binge...but I know I will regardless. Maybe by then I'll have enough control I won't even want to binge. A girl can dream right?

This week has sucked. I got up yesterday morning at 6:30 for spin class and didn't go to sleep until 11 am today! I was grading until 7:30 this morning. I hate teaching. I think I'm going to try and get into design school. I need to be thinner for that. Who wants be buy clothes from a fat person?

149.4

I broke 150 for the first time in at least a month. I'm glad that I'm under 150 but I'm not as elated as I thought I'd be. I need to be Lower! I don't even feel any skinnier.

My best friend "A" is moving here in January. I can't wait. We always stick together when it comes to eating (or should I say "not eating").  I'll be so glad to have a person without the same issues and goals right with me all the time.

The thing I've been really grossed out about lately are my hips and legs. They are HUGE. I'm super disproportionate. I've got a 26 inch waist and a 41 inch hip. Yeah, I know. With my waist size I should (if I was proportionate) have a 37 inch hip.

One day I'll achieve the tiny waist and matching tiny hips.

150.2

Weigh in: 150.2

I love that in two days I've already dropped 5 pounds. I know it won't continue to come off that fast but the pure joy it gives me to see that number drop keeps my motivation strong.

Food yesterday:
Fiber plus bar: 130
Green beans: 120
Dry Cereal: 100
Jello Salad: 150
Banana: 80
Total: 580 calories

Exercise....not so much. I do ride my bike to school, that's a mile, and I walk at least a mile everyday. I'm on campus for a long time today meaning I won't even be able to eat! YAY!

I'm addicted to Gossip Girl lately, which definitely encourages my desire to be thin and beautiful. I can't wait to be as waif as the Blake Lively and Leighton Meester.

Progress already

I love when my motivation is renewed. I feel like I can conquer my fatness (well eventually). I know it'll take time, but I love having an empty stomach and not even feeling the desire of food.

Yesterday I ate about 650 calories:

Beans: 180
Coke Zero: 0
Banana: 80
Dry cereal: 110
Cookie: 150
Fiber-Plus bar: 130

I didn't want the cookie, but my friend made them especially for me and was watching me. ughhhh :(

Weigh-in today: 152.6
Maybe by the end of the week I can be under 150. I'm dying to break 150 again.



Thinspo:

I want thin legs like this so badly!